its time to come clean...

I am big, chunky, thick, chubby, curvy, overweight, large, a BBW, and last but not least fat.  There I said it, I am fat.  Wow, that was actually kind of hard to say.  I don't love the way I have become so unhealthy.  One might say that if you love yourself, you have to love everything, and I do not that think is true at all.  I love love love my inner self, I am proud of the woman that I have grown to be, the mother that I have become, but I am just not in love with the "temple" that I house all this awesomeness in.  

I never really was the fat girl, I might have been bigger, but I was curvy with a flat stomach.  I was active, I could dance all night in Mexico, I could run for quite awhile without getting tired, and I could shop in the cute section at department stores.  I would like to blame it on getting pregnant, but that was 10 years ago, so that cant be the problem.  I would like to blame it on PCOS (which I was diagnosed with about 6 years ago), I would like to blame it on healthy food costing so much, or me working to late into the night to cook, or it being cheaper to buy fast food.  But not once have I ever thought to blame myself.  Who would?  So its time to challenge myself, take the blame, and fix this problem I have become so accustomed to, its time to make myself healthy.

I am not on a kick to get skinny, I just want to be healthy.  I want to be able to walk up A flight of stairs, thats right just one flight, without losing my breath.  I want to be able to sit in an airplane seat comfortably.  I want to be able to go to an amusement park and not be afraid that I wont fit in the seats.  I want to be able to go to sleep not afraid that I will not wake up in the morning.  I want to be able to ride a horse.  I want to be able to play with my son outside, instead of suggesting he ask another kid because its too much to run around for me.  I want to be not fat.

So I have decided to kick off my birthday month, with one of many "challenges" that I plan to try.  April will be my no eating out challenge.  No fast food, my McDonalds cheeseburgers with Big Mac sauce, no Burger King whoppers, no Raising Canes chicken, no Filibertos tacos or burritos, nothing that will come to through a window or waiter.  Now I am not saying that this "no eating out" will be forever, no one should expect me to never eat out again.  Life happens, people get married, people have parties, people have birthdays, my husband takes me out, so I know there will be times that I will be dining out, so hopefully in the months to come I can learn to make smarter choices.  Not only will this benefit myself, it will also benefit my family.

Along with no eating out, I will also be doing a "wall sit" challenge.  So as I raise my water bottle, (and I just might be dreaming about mine being beer or wine, haha), I promise to myself that I will work on me, and I will work on making my body the best it can be.